My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
