"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Life without a bra equals bliss.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
