Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
