I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
The best revenge is premature balding
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
