Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
