i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
