You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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