Farmville is her only friend.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
