Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
