I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
