I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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