I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
