pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
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