Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I feel like abortions should bother me more
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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