WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
