yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
