I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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