The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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