did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
