Jerry, you need to find god
She just used a chaser for red wine.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You may now shotgun with the bride
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
