Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
