Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Is Oprah even human
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
