If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
As shirtless as possible
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
