Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
