He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
