you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
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You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
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I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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