wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm always down for nudity.
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