He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
this beer tastes like vomit already
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
