Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize