Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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