My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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