under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.