We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
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I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
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At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!