yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You're like the curious george of whores
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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