i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.