i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
