Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I came so hard my ears popped.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
