I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
