so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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