i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
you made out with another girl for some wings
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
