If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
