Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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