we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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