I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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