so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
