Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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