i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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