I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
