Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
