Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
