In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
