Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
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The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
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I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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