theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
