I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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