Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
