I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
