I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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