Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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