I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
