what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
