no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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