so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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