The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
How does one acquire holy water?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
