Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Randomize
