Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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