It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
