what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
