It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
