You're so nebulous sometimes
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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