The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
