im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
