He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
What happened to fro yo and sex?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
