im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
