he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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