I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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