You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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