Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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