Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
