OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
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I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
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Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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