If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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