FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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