sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
