We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
