I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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