I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize