Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
